Why is it Difficult to Change?
So, you want to make a change? You tried sticking to the exercise program, the diet, the meditation, being kinder to yourself, not shouting at the kids, etc. You did it for a while, and then a few days later find you are slipping back, regardless of your conviction to see it through to the end. Slipping, slipping, and damn it, you are back doing the same thing that does not support your dreams all over again. Grrrr! Yes, it’s so frustrating. It’s happened to us all, but why is this?
Long-term behaviour change is complex when you don’t know how to make it happen. It is often one of the biggest challenges human beings face. Change can happen overnight, contrary to popular belief, but most people quit when times get tough, when it feels difficult, or when they’re too tired to keep moving forward. Change starts in the mind.
Change usually means getting out of the familiar place called the ‘comfort zone’ (which for those who truly want change is not a comfortable place), but humans are wired to stay in familiar, safe environments even if those environments are not conducive to mental and spiritual growth. It’s a primitive instinct. People stay within their ‘comfort zone’ to avoid feeling stressed, anxious, uncertain, embarrassed, etc. Your subconscious mind does not care if you are happy, it just wants you safe. So, if you want to grow and be happy, your subconscious needs an upgrade.
Many people fail when trying to change because they’re motivated by fear, regret, or other negative emotions. Science has proven that negative emotions like these are one of the least effective change strategies. Instead, people should focus on positive emotions and positive reasons to change. For example, you might say, “I am going to lose weight so I can fit into these jeans.” This reason is superficial, and though you may feel good fitting in your jeans, what were the sacrifices you made and how realistic is it to keep it up? Instead, losing weight so you can be healthier and more vital has long-term and more wholesome benefits for you and everyone around you, and you will still fit in your jeans!
Overwhelment is another reason people find it difficult to change. For example, if someone hates their job and wants to change careers, they may be put off, thinking they’ll need to return to university, start in a low-paying job, won’t be able to pay their bills and that they might not be good at the new job in the end. My advice is to take a few deep breaths and start by taking small steps, focusing only on one step at a time instead. The big picture is important; however, breaking it down into smaller and smaller steps makes it easy to accomplish. Commit to these steps, and before you know it, you got your desires.
Another thing I would recommend is that you focus on changing one unwanted behaviour at a time. After all, it’s much better to change one behaviour and stick to it long-term than trying to change five different behaviours at once, sticking to them for two weeks before returning to the irritating familiar old behaviour. Committing to one behaviour change is a big deal, so treat it as such and commit everything to it, even if you think it’ll be easy to achieve.
Many people will also quit if they don’t see results right away. For example, if you’ve committed to eating healthily but don’t see results on the scales within a few weeks, you’ll probably be demotivated and go back to old habits. However, small, consistent changes add up to significant changes over time. These are the changes that stick.
But what underpins all these reasons for failing to change when you want to? It’s your subconscious learned behaviours, and most of the time you don’t even know they are there, blocking you from change. They stop you because your subconscious mind thinks changing might be harmful as it’s different wiring to the one that has kept you alive till now. It’s thinking, “Why would you want to change?” The discomfort you feel moving away from the so-called comfort zone is your subconscious programming pulling you back and overriding the new and unfamiliar, encouraging a return to the familiar old habits, forcing you to play it safe and not change.
How ironic is this? As no change means you are harming yourself for sure. So, your subconscious mind needs an update to remove the blocks and limitations getting in the way of your best self.
Whether you want to change your mind, home, career, health, headspace, appearance, or something different, I’m here to help you get past the blocks and change your life the way you want. Book a Discovery Call with Thashna Walsh Lifestyle Therapy to discuss the things you want to change, and let’s get started.
